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  • Writer's pictureRim

When your inner child runs the show

Photo by LinfengLi photography

Although many of us may think of ourselves as "responsible"grown-up adults, we all have an inner child within, deep down in our heart.

Like children, she (he, they, whatever pronoun you identify with) operates on primal instinct. When we didn’t learn to process our emotions healthily as children, well, we keep acting out on our emotions from a primal activation. Especially uncomfortable emotions fo they trigger in us a message of danger.

For me, anger was (and still is sometimes) the most difficult emotion to process.

I’ve been raised being told to “make efforts” ("take it upon yourself", "it’s no big a deal") and to be “nice” with others.

I understood that being angry wasn’t a good thing and that it meant something bad about me.

My elder sister, like many elder siblings do, resented my birth and was quite the bully with me, expert at gaslighting my opi

nions, my feelings and my needs. Since I was too young to understand this dynamic (and her own fears) consciously, I developed asthma and eczema in order to get more attention from my mum, and to have my needs for love and protection met.

Fast forward my young adult years, I no longer have so much asthma and eczema, but I tend to find myself in situations where a colleague, a boss, a business partner, is a bully, gaslights me and doesn’t value me. Because I subconsciously think I should be a “good, nice” girl and that being angry and complaining is a bad thing, I don’t say anything for a while. I "take it upon myself", "I make an effort", I don't want to be the one who's always complaining.

And I numb with a range of addictive behaviours, such as overthinking everything, overworking, binge eating, over-drinking, over-exercising, overspending, binge-watching movies and binge-reading books (yes, that's a thing!), desperately seeking validation outside of myself...

Until of course, I can’t take it anymore, I get super super angry, and I erupt (just like my asthma and eczema erupted as a kid). Then I feel guilty for feeling angry. And I numb more. Failing to understand that this anger is actually here to protect me, to send me an important message.

Instead, I’m trying to push away the anger, to repress it (thinking I should be stronger and should handle the situation rationally).

So this uncomfortable feeling of anger gets bigger and bigger. OMG, it gets so painful that I think I’m not gonna be able to handle it and that I’m gonna die from it.

It’s so intense that I literally want to throw a fit!

I want to scream. I want to seek revenge. I want to lash out.

Then I feel intense shame and guilt for having had these thoughts and this behaviour.

Just like the super sensitive little child version of me who didn’t have her needs met. And who was told that lashing out was bad and that I’m a good girl and therefore should take it upon myself.

It took me years and a lot of pain to finally understand that my emotions, and even my thoughts, didn’t mean anything about who I am, inherently.

Now I know that whenever I get into this kind of frantic, desperate energy, it’s because my inner child is trying to meet her needs outside of me.

Our cycles will repeat when our inner child keeps running the show.

Understanding, and accepting that emotions and pain are part of the human experience is so very healing.

Focusing on nurturing my inner child, and to meet her needs changed everything.

Giving my inner child reinforcement that she is valuable, that she is loved, that she is cared for and protected on a daily basis brought me so much more inner peace.

I still feel angry at times, of course (we're humans, remember, and an HSP at that!) but I don't let mean anything about me anymore. I no longer feel shame about it.

I just take it for what it is: an indication, an alert that my (and my inner child's) needs aren't met. That the situation is not right for me.

I don’t lash out to others anymore (ok, only sometimes, I’m human, and when it happens I know it’s because my inner child wants to throw a tantrum because she feels unsafe).

The thing is when don’t process our emotions first, we react, we don’t respond.

And guess what, the recipient of our lashing out usually reacts the same way, perhaps even tenfold. Because they don’t know how to process their emotions either.

From there, the situation can escalate quickly, and the problem gets much bigger.

Or, perhaps the other person learned to become “unemotional”, and instead of lashing out, they wear a mask of cold, “heartless” composure; they shut down and “shut you down” for good.

Many people alternate with the two states, according to the situation. I definitely have.

I had my fair deal of workplace bullying, conflicts, betrayals, to finally understand that it was to my interest to learn how to process my emotions first and then choose the course of action to take.

I do value courage and standing up for our rights, ALWAYS.

But what I found is by getting angry and trying to push it away lead to an uncontrollable anger that I'd feel for days, keeping me in the victim position.

I was the one hurting so much, and still hurting for days on end. Inflicting myself a double pain really. Giving my power away. And that prevented me to really trust myself, trust my instincts.

I was bypassing my own needs and my own intuition. It dawned on me that in a way, it was like gaslighting myself? So much wasted destructive energy! And energy is such a precious commodity, particularly for us, HSPs.

What the hell?


So now, ensuring that the actions I take will not give my power away and preventing me from building what I want, from realising my dreams is top of my priorities.

I’m not interested with giving more of me to all the bullies and gaslighters of this world..


And the beauty of taking care of my inner child is I’m much more attuned to my emotions and my intuition now and cautious as to what I say yes to.

Taking good care of my inner child protects my sanity, my energy, and liberates my creative energy.

It also gives me so much more trust in my abilities to handle anything that’ll come my way. It gets easier to set boundaries and stick to them. I feel like I’ve got my back, and that life got my back too.

Create enough internal space to allow all the different parts of yourself to coexist despite the contradictions.” Elizabeth Gilbert

That’s why I created a special workshop: THE MAGIC OF SELF-LOVE

With this live experience workshop, my intention is that by sharing with you my favourite tools that I use to soothe my inner child, you’ll also feel empowered to trust your brilliance more and to shine your light. And to boldly say NO to what’s not right for you, and YES to what truly lights you up.

There will be breathwork, a creative visualization (deep meditation), and art making because our subconscious processes everything better when all our senses are activated into making something tangible, fun and creative.

Click here to register now. See you there!☀️🌻

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